A year after an endometriosis excision surgery: a reflection.

Emotional Freedom Series #2: On resilience and the rich tapestry of healing.

“I don’t think I am going to get through this” - I thought, as pain ripped through my insides and another bout of nausea came over me. 

At this time a year ago, I was on a drip, heavily medicated, in the throes of the worst pain I have ever felt. And for an endo person, that’s not a statement made lightly. By then, I thought the worst was behind me, yet here it was - happening right in that moment. 

I just underwent an expert excision surgery for endometriosis* that included a bowel resection and having my organs rejigged and rearranged for hours. There was a point in that week spent at the hospital, when in my delirium and pain, I questioned the validity of my decision to be operated on again (this time privately, at a specialist clinic, for money that I saved and fundraised for for over a year).

I wanted out. There was no immediate threat to my life. There were no complications and the surgery went well. I just reached a point where the pain was too much to bear. And then I went through it, and what awaited me at my parents’ home was a cocoon of love and care, an anti-inflammatory diet, and friends who cheered me on. I could land softly into the execution of a contingency plan that I’ve put in place beforehand. 

Sitting here today and writing these words, I am re-learning and remembering that I can get through anything, and that my resilience knows no bounds. My resilience is my superpower. And let me offer this to you as well, dear reader, whatever it is that you are going through right now - trust that you can keep going. You can get through anything. Such is the power of the human spirit.

Going under a scalpel again was not a decision that I have made lightly. It was based on my individual circumstances, the placement of my endo lesions, and the risks that were at play should I not go ahead. I couldn’t be happier that I’ve decided to do it. For the first time in my life, I have what I’d describe as typical bowel movements, and, various factors permitting, I may even have peace for a decade or so ahead.

And although a lot has changed since the surgery, at same time - so little did. The older I get, the more I am being humbled by the fact that lasting change only comes through slow and steady action. In a world that expects instant results, it’s not an easy truth to swallow.

I spent a major part of the past 12 months healing - physically, spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. And I continue to do so. In the past year, I gave myself time, space and consistency in my recovery. Wiggle room, a lot of it. I also did the best thing yet - I trained as a Menstrual Cycle Coach and began coaching. I travelled to India and reconnected with the land and culture that feed me in ways that are beyond my rational comprehension. I received my Reiki Level 1 attunement and embarked on a journey of living the Reiki way. I shared joy with my parents as they moved to their countryside retirement home of dreams. I sat in circle with dozens of women and womb-bearers and saw the healing ripple effects of the soulful community. I made new friends and reconnected with my “day ones”.

And while I am still making my way back to my womb and my heart, I am appreciative of the past year and the lessons it brought. There’s magic in the in-between, and especially in sitting with uncertainty. And I am sitting with a lot of it right now. 

Exactly a year from when I hit pause on my life, I am going through another cycle of death and rebirth, and it doesn’t feel like my life has fully restarted yet. I am a little fire, while gearing up for supernova. And although deep in my heart I know that it’s ok, I am not finding it easy. Remembering that I got through the surgery, and almost 2 decades of pain before that, humbles me, and reminds me that resilience takes practice, and I have had plenty of that. 

I may never be cured from endometriosis, but I am in the continued process of healing. And I know that I will get through this phase of my life as well, slow and steady.

With love and kindness, 

Martyna

Medicine Woman is the teacher who cannot be seen with worldly eyes, the holder of the map to the mysterious road to healing. She is guided by her inner knowing. She is your courage, your permission, your sanctuary, your strength in the midst of suffering. She is your compassion for yourself and all around you. She is in your bones. You are she.

- from Medicine Woman by Lucy H. Pearce

Ps. The images are of then & now.

*Endometriosis is a whole body disease, with unknown root cause, where cells similar to those lining the womb (endometrium) can be found in other parts of the body (everywhere but the spleen). It affects about 176 million women worldwide, although it’s also been found in men, but there isn’t a lot of research. Statistically 1 in 10 or even 1 in 6  women have it, so it’s just as common as diabetes. It has no cure. It varies from person to person, but typically it causes chronic inflammation and often heavy bleeding, chronic pain, digestive and mobility issues, and infertility. All that while still being one of the most misdiagnosed, misunderstood, and under researched diseases there are. Surgical excision of the lesions is considered a gold standard treatment, medically, but for most endometriosis requires a multi-modal, whole body approach, including holistic therapies and trauma work.